Ever since I could remember I was always drawn to cats. Something about them was fascinating to me and I just thought it would be so fun to actually have one. It wasn’t until age 17 that I finally was blessed to care for and love a cat of my own. His name was Spencer and he was an incredible source of love, affection, cuddles, and support. Spencer was always there. He was my baby and I loved him dearly. It’s been just over 2 weeks and the loss of my cat has been so emotional and has deeply affected me. Below is a story I wrote where I simply documented a bunch of memories I had with him starting from the first night my mom brought him home.
When we first got you and you were so nervous and scared. You hid in the closet and we were like omg where did he go. I could hear you soft breathing and we found you! You would spend the first few nights under my bed and didn’t come out much. Then you started staying out with me and mom more and one night you jumped from under the bed to the top and we were looking eye to eye at each other in the dark. I didn’t know what you were gonna do next. You ended up getting comfortable by my feet and sleeping.
As the days and weeks passed by you grew comfortable with me and started to show affection. You answered to the name “Spencer” and loved to play with you feather toy. Just loving incredibly fast jumping up and around trying to catch the feather underneath your nails. You then started to lay right next to me, snuggled on MY pillow. But it became OUR pillow.
Coming home to see you after school became such a highlight of my day. I was so happy to have a little cute and adorable cat I could call my own. I loved you and you loved me.
You finally started coming out when the kids were around. And you began feeling comfortable and confident in being safe in a loving family.
You were an active, adventurous and curious kid. I can remember 3 separate occasions where I witnessed you dart out the house myself.
1) the door was open as we were bringing in groceries or something and you just started on out like a lighting bulb and sprinted in a circle in the grass and came right on back before I could even catch you!
2) I figured maybe n could try letting you go outside after that incident and created a “leash” for you out of a long shoelace and we walked in the backyard area along the fence. Next thing I know, the shoelace came untied and you were free. You didn’t sprint this time, and as I started to run towards you, you would get scared and start running so I just paced slowly behind you, hoping that no bird or butterfly would lure you away into danger. I watched as you sniffed grass blades and tested out the taste of dandelions. You were so fascinated. After playtime was over, I slowly walked over to you and picked you up to go inside.
3) You had a cat friend in the neighborhood that saw where you lived the window and I guess you two would meow back and forth with one another until eventually, he would come up to the door and meow for you. I kinda felt bad and wanted to let the other cat in. Well, one day as the door was just open a little bit to bring bags in, the other cat was waiting for you and you SPRINTED out the door following that cat! The cat led you around the corner to ANOTHER CAT! And y’all were just meowing and talking away. It was so cute. A little cat gathering. So of course, I let you kick it with your friends until bringing you back home (These are just the times that I was present for, can’t imagine actually being there when you were on the balcony of another neighbor’s house. That means you had to climb up the roof to cross over there!)
All of those outside shenanigans must’ve caught up to you. One day the vet said “he has fleas” and I was stunned. We had to quarantine you into one room and give you these special flea treatments to get it under control. Fleas are gross and I hated seeing them move on you omg makes my skin crawl, but you were still my baby boy and cried having to see you in the room all by yourself. I was so glad when the treatment worked and you were free from fleas so we could cuddle together.
I couldn’t wait to come to visit you when I would come home from college. I always wanted to know that you were well. You were my baby boy.
I loved when you would curl up into a cinnamon roll when you were resting. Lightly with your head sitting on your ankles. And when you were REALLY in a deep sleep, your head would flip upside down and tuck inside of the cinnamon roll shape you had formed.
You felt like a best friend and a child all in one, especially when I finally got my own place and could support you on my own. I felt so accomplished that you and I now had our own place. I was so excited for the next chapter in life as a young adult.
I got tons of pillows so that neither of us ever had to roll off of one. Your preferred sleeping location for nighttime seemed to be directly where my breathing took place. You would walk up to space on my pillow by my face, turn and fall down to curl up with your body directly on my nose. Spencer, I have to breathe? But that didn’t matter, as long as you were as close to me as possible. So I’d try to slowly scoot over so I could breathe. Sometimes you’d notice and again position your body right on top of my nose.
It was so cute when you would lay your small face directly on my nose. I could barely breathe, but I let it slide for a minute because you seemed to really be comfortable and wanted to show your love.
You never liked falling asleep unless I was facing you. If I turned my neck position to get comfortable, you would immediately get up to position yourself to be directly in front of me. Only then could you fall asleep.
We would wake up together, and I’d lay inside of your fur for my last few minutes of rest before starting my day. As I started daily yoga, you’d slowly walk towards me and sit right next to me. Through all of the positions you’d be right near me, sometimes taking over the mat. I made the compromise to share it with you. And we started are day with gratitude and love.
I saw from the kitty cam that you pretty much slept all day and then when I came home it was the start of your day, perhaps the highlight of your day. This warmed my heart that I meant as much to you as you meant to me. Coming home from work you would awake from your nap and jingle on to the door and meow at me, greeting me.
Immediately I would pick you up and rock you, asking how your day was and give you kisses. You would act like you wanted to be picked up and then let me hold you like a newborn for maybe 5-10 seconds before jumping away since you wanted to be grown lol.
I’d sprinkle some treats for you and then you would follow me from room to room until I finally sat down. This was your favorite part. Me just sitting still allowed you to find a place in my arms to get comfortable.
And if I was eating, you were eating too. You would sometimes eat the food OFF MY FORK! I was like Spencer noooooo! Haha. Eventually you learned that if you waited, I would give you some pieces of chicken or let you drink my milk after I was done with my cereal. By then I had accepted that you just like eating the things I ate, and I made the adjustments.
As I would set up my studio to record just about anything, you would always find time to make your own appearance. Whether it was a YouTube video or Wellness Wednesday. Always meowing as soon as the camera turned on 🤣
It was so cute when you would immediately lay on my chest when you saw me sitting still before bed. As soon as I sat back on my headboard I would look down at the floor, and we would make eye contact, then you would jump up and get comfortable within 10 seconds.
Your preferred spot of laying directly on my chest like a baby persisted through any activity that involved me sitting. When working on my computer, you were determined to leap into my arms in the middle of me typing, to claim your rightful position.
I figured out a way to help you be able to lay on me while getting work done. I would set up my laptop on a pillow or two and let you lay in between my chest and the computer. You looked so adorable curled up as I worked. I loved how peaceful you looked when sleeping.
You loved protecting me so much that you would wait for me outside the bathroom door and sometimes face the opposite way as in to make sure I was safe from anything
And for the few times when I did close my door for a desperately needed nap or an important call, you would use those nails to scratch on a way. Sometimes I would just open it and figure out a way to work with it
I loved even when you would see me laying anywhere on the floor and you would lay there on me, especially laying on my back which felt like a warm comforting massage.
You loved kneading. No matter the age. You always showed your love by kneading and massaging your little paws onto those you loved. The nose kisses always got me too! That’s a cat’s way of showing they trust you. Unguardedly you would tap your little damp nose against my face. You’d rub the side of your mouth on my hands, my arms, my face. All to show I was your human, and that you loved me. Skin-to-skin contact was so important. Always putting one paw to lay somewhere where my skin was exposed. A true baby.
Every single day you were committed to showing unconditional love. All you wanted to do was to cuddle and be snuggled and have treats. Every day it was consistent with you. You were just loving and trusting. You showed everyone love and affection and protection.
Spencer, I miss you every single day. You were the most amazing companion and loving cat in the world. Im so happy for the memories. You really made me feel warm and happy. You were so loving. So many smiles too bright to my face and my family and friend’s faces. You brought me so much you. I will always remember you. Thank you so much for everything and for simply being you.
Spencer 5.8.04 -5.18.20
I love you,
Mommy
